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Old 06-05-2016, 12:28 PM   #11
GULAIYU
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哈!哈!(笑)

上課時,老師說:
「家裡養寵物的小朋友請舉手。」

小明馬上舉手,老師問:
「小朋友,你家裡都養了什麼寵物呀?」

小明回答:
「我家養了好多只寵物,我爺爺養了一隻狗,我奶奶養了一隻貓,我媽媽養了一隻松鼠,我養了一隻 兔子。

這些都不算什麼,我爸爸的寵物最厲害了。

老師好奇地問:
「你爸爸養了什麼寵物呢?」

小明回答:
「聽媽媽說,爸爸在外面養了一隻狐狸 精,我還沒見過呢。

我還發現我爸打電話時,總說家裡有隻母老虎,我總找不著,問爺爺,他吸了口氣說,不止一隻。

全班同學全都笑到暈倒!👻👻👻👻👻
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Old 08-05-2016, 04:01 PM   #12
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Default Happy Mother's Day!

A woman stopped her dance lessons all of a sudden, and switched to learn swimming.
All her friends asked her why. She said, "Everytime my son and daughter-in-law argues, she will ask my son if both she and I fall into the ocean, who he will save first. I don't want my son to be in a difficult position so that's why I learn swimming!"

After sometime both son and daughter-in-law argued again. The daughter-in-law asked, "If your mother and I both fall into the ocean, who will you save first?"
The son answered, "No worries. My mother knows how to swim. She can save you. I don't need to dive into the ocean at all."
The daughter-in-law insisted, "No, you must dive into the ocean!"
At which the son answered, "Oh, then you will surely die. I don't know how to swim. My mom will save me first!"
😂😂😂

Happy Mother's Day! 🌹
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Old 08-05-2016, 04:51 PM   #13
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The Chinese version.........

有个阿姨突然不去跳舞了,
改为去学游泳!大家都问:
你怎么改游泳了?
阿姨无奈的说:
儿子和媳妇吵架时
每次媳妇都问:
我和你妈掉水里你先救谁?
我不想为难儿子,
所以就学游泳了!
不久小两口又吵架,
媳妇说:
我和你妈掉水里你先救谁?
老公答:我不用下水,我妈会救你的,她会游泳。
媳妇不依:不行你必须下水
老公答:那你死定了!
我不会游泳,我妈肯定先救我😂。
母愛真偉大 😘😚这个週日里祝全天下偉大的母亲们 : 母亲节快乐
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Old 13-05-2016, 12:57 PM   #14
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Four surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

But the fourth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. There are only two parts - the mouth and the asshole, and they are interchangeable...'​
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Old 16-05-2016, 07:42 AM   #15
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An Indonesian, a Bangladeshi and a Malaysian are in a bar one
night having a beer.

The Indonesian finishes his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He brags, "In Jakarta our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Malaysian, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indonesian & the Bangladeshi.

He says "Tiu Nia Ma!!
In KL we have so many Indons and Banglas that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice!"
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Old 16-05-2016, 07:53 AM   #16
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Once 5 people were traveling by ✈ Aeroplane...
Ronaldo,
Ambani,
Najib,
Rajinikanth &
A School Girl

Suddenly.... the Aeroplane ....developed a technical snag....

Only 4 parachutes were available in the Aeroplane....

Ronaldo said: "I am world's greatest footballer. ..I must live..."
Took a parachute and jumped. ..

Ambani said: "I am the richest indian...I must live.."
Then took second parachute and jumped.....

Najib said:"I am the most Popular leader in Malaysia. ..I must live. .."
Took a parachute and jumped. ..

Rajinikanth said to the school girl- "Baby, you are the future of this country...you must live.. come on... take the parachute and jump..."

School girl smilingly replied - "But we have two parachutes available. ..Najib took my school bag .. ...and jumped..."
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Old 17-05-2016, 10:31 PM   #17
GULAIYU
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At school Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Catherine (the teacher), asks the students what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for...

The first student said: 'Paracetamol ?'

Teacher: 'Very good! And what is it used for?'

Student: 'It is used for a headache.'

The second student said: 'Restyl.'

Teacher: 'Excellent!'. 'And what it is used for?'

Student: 'To help you sleep'.

Now it is Johnny's turn...
The teacher asks, Yes Johnny, name a medicine which you know:
Johnny replies: Viagra

Teacher gets surprised and asks Johnny, what is it used for??!!!

Johnny replies: 'It is used for diarrhoea.

Teacher: 'And who told you this, Johnny???!!!

Johnny: 'Nobody, but most evenings my mother tells my father ...
"Take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
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Old 18-05-2016, 12:12 AM   #18
stargazer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by richardg View Post
Once 5 people were traveling by ✈ Aeroplane...
Ronaldo,
Ambani,
Najib,
Rajinikanth &
A School Girl

..."
There is similar version of this joke but wif diff characters. Such as the naji changes to George bush, while Rajin changes to the pope.
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Old 20-05-2016, 08:26 AM   #19
GULAIYU
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Banta Singh visiting Santa Sing in the hospital.

Banta: why are you hospitalized?

Santa Singh : My neighbours wife's cat was attacking my chickens. And I just told my neighbour about it and he beat me like hell…

Banta Singh: what did you actually say????

Santa Singh : "Control your wife's pussy.
She is crazy about my cock..!"​
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Old 20-05-2016, 08:29 PM   #20
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A lawyer & wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.The woman would shout - 'When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life..'

Neighbours feared her and the woman liked the fact that she was feared..

To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 58. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake..

After the burial, lawyer went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked - 'Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life??'

The lawyer put down his drink and said - 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down..'

These lawyers.. I tell you... They think of everything..😂😂😂
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