Have a good laugh

[Natureman]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!"

Don't you just love lawyers?
😂

[Natureman]

An airplane ✈was going down & everybody knew they would crash in the 🌊ocean below.

A rich lady takes off all her clothes and puts on every💎 diamond she has on her body. The passengers all look at her and say, "What are you doing ?!"

She says "When we are in the ocean, my diamonds will ✨sparkle and I will be the first one they find."

Then another woman takes off all her 👙clothes and covers herself with $100 dollars 💵bills. The passengers all look at her and say, "Now what are you doing??"

She says, "When we are in the ocean, the $100 dollar bills will be floating all around me and they will find me first".

Then a black lady tears off some of her clothes and gets just ... butt-naked! All the passengers look at her and say ... "What are you doing ?!"

The black lady says ... "Boy, you know, the first thing they always look for is the BLACK BOX!!!

🌚🌑🌚🌚🌚

[Natureman]

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash?

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

And that's when the fight started...

[Natureman]

������Just for laugh :

Some Hospitals in Singapore may have names changed to cater for KiasuCitizens.
Do you know why New Changi Hospital 《NCH》 changed its name to Changi General Hospital 《CGH》? Because NCH stands for 'Never Come Home'.
That's why business was very bad before it changed its name. Now CGH stands for 'Can Go Home'. So business is picking up.
Business in Singapore General Hospital 《SGH》is still going strong because SGH stands for 'Sure Go Home'!
Now National University Hospital (NUH) is also considering a name change. It stands for 'No Use Hospital'!
What about Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). Not too good a name, no wonder so many problems. It stands for ��'Tiam Tiam Si Hospital' (Always Die or Die Quietly).
So, be careful when choosing which hospital to go if anyone is unwell...������

[burntrubber]

Source : https://www.facebook.com/mediacock/?...S57C0g&fref=nf

When Limpeh was in China few months ago, I asked the Hotel staff how long will I need to travel from Shanghai to Nanjing which is 300km away.

"hmmm think about 2hr is ok?"
"2hrs!!?? Take plane arh?"
"No no.. take high speed train"
"Ok help me call a taxi to take me there"

Then he called a taxi to send me to train station to buy tickets.

When I reached there, taxi driver asked
"Pay by Zhifubao(Alipay)?"
"No no I dont have.. i only got cash"
"Ok ok no problem. Cash is ok. Anything is ok as long as you pay"

It is ok to be "Suaku" not to pay everything by your handphone. But it is damn "Lauqwee"(no face) to know people can travel 300km in 2hrs and Limpeh cant even reach my office in 2hrs because of our damn MRT breakdowns.

Which is more important to rally?

[Natureman]

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told
her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires...

[Natureman]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

[Natureman]

​An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle.​

​Suddenly he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop. He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums​....!

​The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running​."

👌👏 ​Classic!​

_Continuation

.
​The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said​
​I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . can you​ ???

👌👏 ​Not only Classic but Epic​_ 😂😂👍

[GULAIYU]

Dear sir,
My husband have headache this morning. Accidentally took Viagra instead
of Panadol. Since my maid is home, l
cannot come to office.



Thank you

[Natureman]

​Clever Signages​!!
😂😂😂

​A sign in a shoe repair store​: "We will heel you, We will save your sole,
We will even dye for you!"

Sign over a ​Gynaecologist’s Office​ : "Dr. George, at your cervix";

At an ​Eye Clinic​ : "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”;

On a ​Plumber's truck​ : "We repair what your husband fixed”;

On an ​Electrician's truck​ : "Let us remove your shorts”;

In a ​Non-smoking Area​ : "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action”;

On a ​Maternity Room door​ : "Push. Push. Push.”;

At a ​Car Dealership​ : "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”;

At the ​Electric Company​ : "We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”;

In a ​Restaurant window​ : "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;

In the front yard of a ​Funeral Home​ : "Drive carefully. We'll wait.”;

Last but not least and I LOVE THIS..........

Sign on the back of ​Septic Tank Truck​ :
​"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"​

I like the last one